DREAM ON

Assalamualaikum.

Few weeks were good. Better than I expected. As times goes by, more things to learn, new things to know and some of it just as it is… nothing change much. But people, people do change. Change from good to better or maybe bad to worst.

I always look in life as it is. Sometimes I just try no matter what it takes. Doing things that I know there will be chances to win or to lose. Like others, we will be happy or maybe happier if we win and sad and even up to severe depression if we were to lose.

I have learned that we do not always get what we want. Even we give all out trying on it. But I do believe in every cloud there will be a silver line. For that I am thankful to Allah swa. In life you have a choice, to look back to a failure and sit back and doing nothing or move on, to think positively and to dream on and be happy about it.

Yesterday I found out something new. You have move on and what’s left for me is to dream on…and for you my prayers will always be of your happiness

Sad but true…….

Pray to Allah for your happiness.

Happiness… It Is Not Always About You

Assalamualaikum.

It has been total of 3 weeks with joy and love. The running, the workout, the lunch, the movie, the dinner, the children and most of all, the love and passion. But…. ( I hate it when there is a but…) no decision has been made on her side. For each, the “memory lane” will be there and decision to go there was intact with mind of hatred, heart of unforgiving and memories not forgotten.

I asked myself am I happy accepting this? Do I need to see where is this going? The answer is YES. Been trying to explain all that has happen. But.. acceptance is none. Sad but true. The truth hurts; it even hurts when I tried to explain it. But yet…. I understand of the new ventures, the new life and of course the new people, friends and admirers. But (again there is a “but”) what are you waiting for? It has proven.. I am ready. And then I finally….., I get the idea…. You are unsure. And I give the benefit of the doubt to you..

However, as at this year 2010, I am not who I use to be. I told myself that there will be changes. And most of changes will hurt. The walk and the talk. For everyone…!!!!

My happiness is depends on me!!!. I am the only person upon which my happiness depends. I make the choice to be happy in each situation and in each moment of my life. If my happiness were to depend on other people, on other things or circumstances on the face of this earth, I would be seriously in trouble.

For me, everything in the world created by Allah swa changes; human, feelings, wealth, happiness, etc. Nothing will last until death or akhirat. After the “tremendous event” I learned, and decided to be happy; the rest is a matter of "experiences or circumstances;” I have found out that happiness will always be found in forgiveness and in loving yourself and others. So… nothing is wrong for giving and showing my love to you.

To truly love is difficult, it is to forgive unconditionally, to live, to take the “experiences or circumstances” as they are, facing them together and being happy with conviction. And of all the above, I have given.

Cool……………

A DAY TO REMEMBER

Assalamualaikum..

I was away for myself this time around far out in a jungle and people. I needed time to think and finally I got it. I know now that you are love of my life and you are the one. Even at this point you decided not to share your life with me, I too have decided that I will not share a my life with anyone else but you.

"You only marry a person that you love and in return who loves you"....

I got back and guess what.. the first person I saw was the love of my life. Tired I might be but when i saw her... all energy seems to come back and life then was complete.

Spending time with you in a day makes a lot of things clearer. Maybe closure of the "tremendous events" I guess. Some of words and thoughts really hurt me but at the end, I was never in your shoes to feel how you felt and you were never in mine to suffer, falling down and picking own self up till who I am today.

There was never an intention to hurt someone that you love. But sometimes Allah tested us in away to see how strong we are if we were to made for each other. To you I am sorry... I truly am.

I will be here... and you will be on your way. If there is a little bit of time, one day, do turn around..... cause I will be here waiting.

BE HAPPY.... I'M ALREADY GONE II

Assalamualaikum

I had a good run last week…. The best I can say because today I ran with someone I love to be with. We ran, we exercise and we sweat. Fell so relief. Later there was breakfast and talk. She said what she said and for once since the “tremendous event” I called, I really got to know how she feels and she what she had gone through. I was sad. Some things of what she said were very very hurtful. But I can’t blame her for the decision that she has made and how she feels. She was hurt and what she expressed was the truth…

I sit quietly and swallow the hurt for what I know now that I have never been forgiven. The fact is.. she has moved on. I went back after sending her and start to think what she expressed slowly. I know I have screwed up, I know I have hurt her in way that maybe did not or will not justify the 4 ½ years of fighting.

I reached home and just sat on the bed thinking what I should do. How can I make her understand that No one can go back and make a brand new start but anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. Allah didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but Allah did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. I would give my life if I can to turn back the time and undo things I have done. But I can’t!

To me, there's a purpose to life's events, it is to teach me how to laugh more or not to cry too hard. I can’t make someone love me, all I can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to her to realize my worth. I learned my lesson and I learned it well. The measure of love is when you love without measure. In life there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in return. I did meet her… but I screwed it up and screwed it up bad….

So I believe that once you have love you don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again. It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give. Trust me… I know this…

Weekend was wonderful, full of joy and pleasant. But I have found out something the fact that she is belong to someone now. And I am sure I am in the middle of it. A choice has to be made and I have made one. To you…. You are free… someone out there trying to know and to be with you and maybe trying hard to be your life partner. In me, you have hatred and unsure feelings. Then, you need to stop with me and try venture something new. Try o.k. you guys have so much in common and same hobbies I guess… the outings may will getting you guys together. You can survive without me… you did survive with me. So .. go… and spread your wings and be free. In the event of someone new (which I know now) try it.. test it but advise for you to be careful and be safe.

I have give time to win back my love, time is up based on what I saw and believe in new things and person in your life.….. I’ve lost….. to you, I wish you well….