Sunday, March 25, 2012

LONELINESS, I DECIDED

Assalamualaikum

I never felt this lonely before. Sometimes when you are not well, you kind of have a lot of time thinking a lot about your life and also about other people.

While writing this, both my daughters FQ and FR are reading this at the same time. So cute… they ask me “abah… abah bukak diari ke?” I just kept myself quiet. They visited me because I am not well.

Anyway, it is not easy to fight with yourself in changing who you are before. Not that I don’t have feelings but I have mentioned before that this heart is closed for anyone right now. It hurt too much because of what is wanted out of me. Freedom. Even I have experienced same thing in 2005, it hurts more now.

Now I decided that I want to be alone. I decided that I don’t have to follow any terms and conditions of anyone. I decided that you are better off having a friend for your life partner as what you have been looking for. You wanted freedom, you wanted new love and you wanted friends so I am making it easy for you. Go, and my doa’s happiness for you and kids.

That is all.

Wassalam


Monday, March 5, 2012

WHAT A WEEKEND….

Assalamualaikum….

There is nothing much I can say but only a complete weekend. A time spent as a complete family, works of course aligned, a drive of thoughts, a good lunch, a birthday of a child and of course times that not many people understand what I am doing.

Complete Family….
Family….. A strange little band of characters living life sharing what is important, dinner and lunch, bathroom and rooms, money…. but yet… family also inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving one another, laughing at joy, defending against hurt and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

This is what I know… When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses. You don't choose your family. They are Allah gift to you, as you are to them…

Thank you for making me feel needed, thank you for making me feel complete.

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Work
It is like a load that you choose to have for it given you a better life. As long as you are sincere, strong and confident knowing that what you work for is for your family. At times it will take your time away, your mind focusing on what to be done, your energy, your quiet moment but at the end, if its succeed, you can share the joy with the love ones.

Work is just something that you do to have a better life, for you… for your family and for your love one.

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A drive of Thoughts

Well.. driving for couple hours makes you think a lot. I always do a lot of thinking when I drive. All I can say is… there is nothing to think about the relationship. For what is worth… All that need to be said was said. All that need to be done is done. For that I wish you the best of freedom. My doa’s ; you to find a suitable person you who like you say “accept you and your daughters, accept you who you are and ready”. Even it is unfortunate that the person is actually me!!!… but like I say… you throw me away for you are looking for someone else… So you got your Freedom and may allay grant my doa for you to find your man.

Best of luck and I’ll pray to Allah you find one.

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A good lunch

The best ever since last time. When we have lunch with our kids and our love one it will remind us how we should appreciate every moment in life. How lucky Allah grant us the time we have of whatever left to be together.

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A birthday of a child

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AT….
Abah doakan semoga panjang umur, diberkati ALLAH dan of course you menjadi anak yang soleh, bijak dan semoga hidup you menjadi satu kehidupan yang terbaik untuk you…

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Times that not many people understand

I was called a munafik… idiot dan other bad names… but… like the title…. There are times that not many people understand what you do and how you do it. BUT LET ME REMIND THOSE OUT THERE…. YOU ARE YOUR OWN MAN… AS LONG AS WHAT YOU DO IS GOOD TO YOU, YOUR FAMILY AND OTHER MANKIND AND ABOVE ALL SINCERE IN DOING IT… ALLAH WILL PROTECT YOU…. Ikhlas, redha dan bertawakal… you don’t need to tell what you do best… because at the end things weather they are good or bad… will come out as it is… and then, those people will realize how important it is that sometime give space to explain.. give time to see….

Wallah hu alam…

Oh ya… AT, Thank you…. I love this song…. Ha ha ha abah pun terpanggil Banana Republic