Assalamualaikum
I had a good run last week…. The best I can say because today I ran with someone I love to be with. We ran, we exercise and we sweat. Fell so relief. Later there was breakfast and talk. She said what she said and for once since the “tremendous event” I called, I really got to know how she feels and she what she had gone through. I was sad. Some things of what she said were very very hurtful. But I can’t blame her for the decision that she has made and how she feels. She was hurt and what she expressed was the truth…
I sit quietly and swallow the hurt for what I know now that I have never been forgiven. The fact is.. she has moved on. I went back after sending her and start to think what she expressed slowly. I know I have screwed up, I know I have hurt her in way that maybe did not or will not justify the 4 ½ years of fighting.
I reached home and just sat on the bed thinking what I should do. How can I make her understand that No one can go back and make a brand new start but anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. Allah didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but Allah did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. I would give my life if I can to turn back the time and undo things I have done. But I can’t!
To me, there's a purpose to life's events, it is to teach me how to laugh more or not to cry too hard. I can’t make someone love me, all I can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to her to realize my worth. I learned my lesson and I learned it well. The measure of love is when you love without measure. In life there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in return. I did meet her… but I screwed it up and screwed it up bad….
So I believe that once you have love you don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again. It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give. Trust me… I know this…
Weekend was wonderful, full of joy and pleasant. But I have found out something the fact that she is belong to someone now. And I am sure I am in the middle of it. A choice has to be made and I have made one. To you…. You are free… someone out there trying to know and to be with you and maybe trying hard to be your life partner. In me, you have hatred and unsure feelings. Then, you need to stop with me and try venture something new. Try o.k. you guys have so much in common and same hobbies I guess… the outings may will getting you guys together. You can survive without me… you did survive with me. So .. go… and spread your wings and be free. In the event of someone new (which I know now) try it.. test it but advise for you to be careful and be safe.
I have give time to win back my love, time is up based on what I saw and believe in new things and person in your life.….. I’ve lost….. to you, I wish you well….
